What are Your Kinks?

This is a Mistress musing comparing and contrasting the masochist versus the submissive male and how they can get their needs met. Categories can be both beneficial or problematic depending on the situation.  In the BDSM  Fem dom context I think it is important to know what you like and be honest about your needs.  If you fail to look at your kink needs truthfully you’ll be caught up in a cycle of expectation and disappointment.  Who wants that?  The reason I wrote this post is because I’ve found that masochists often parade as submissive men because they’re not self aware enough to ask for what they need. Often times  they have found once they out themselves as a pain slut it is difficult for them to find their Venus in Furs.

Masochism Revealed

People often throw this term around loosely without knowing what it really means.  The definition of a masochist according to the online Merriam-Webster dictionary is as follows::

1a person who derives sexual gratification from being subjected to physical pain or humiliation an individual given to masochism. But Ksenia is a masochist who cannot experience sexual pleasure without first experiencing extreme pain.— Christopher Rice

2a person who takes pleasure in pain and suffering… a select group of cops, bikers, bodybuilders and other masochists who thrive on the deprivation that exercising in unfiltered 110 degree heat produces.— Allison GlockSome mathematical masochist has calculated that the brain was adding 150 million brain cells every hundred thousand years, the sort of useless statistic beloved of a tourist guide.— Matt Ridley

The pain is pleasure the pleasure is pain

The masochist cannot function sexually without some form of pain involved.  That stimulus is not limited to the physical either.  Some of these creatures seek out emotional pain in the forms of humiliation and degradation.  As a seasoned lifestyle Fem dom I prefer an honest pain slut versus the undercover one that will try to instigate a reaction by being confrontational or down right abusive to orchestrate a reaction.

The covert masochist

The covert masochist will often try to control the Fem dom by employing manipulative methods he/she wants to experience . For example goading is one technique, “I don’t think you’re mean enough for me.”  On one occasion I had friend who was seeing a “submissive”  and he had often resorted to rather abusive types of behavior to get a reaction .  The line between kinky play and abuse is thin with this breed because sadism and masochism are opposite sides of the same coin. Their desperation leads them to sometimes act like monsters repelling the very thing they desire most.

Fem Dom Advice for the Pain Sluts

Be honest.  If you aren’t honest about what your needs are as a submissive male how do expect to get them met?  I had one guy say very directly “Please hurt me.”  I appreciated the directness because it cut right through the bullshit and got  right to the point; a good time was had by all.  Don’t resort to assholery to get your needs met.  Any Fem Dom who knows her worth is not going put up with it.  You might have several trysts that are mildly satisfying until she dumps you, but until you communicate openly and honestly about your desires you will always be disappointed.  Don’t false advertise  as “submissive” when what you really want is pain; you do all parties involved a disservice.  Masochists generally only want to serve themselves; this isn’t meant as a judgement; it is just an observation.  If you “Know thyself” as the Delphic maxim suggest everything else becomes simple.  Literally everything.

The Submissive Male

The submissive male on the other hand is more interested in pleasing and being of service to their dominant beloved(s).  They get sincere pleasure out of making that person’s life better in some way.  Eroticism isn’t limited to purely sexual acts.  I’ve had some of the best Fem dom encounters while My sub is doing mundane things.  For example I occasionally have My one submissive cook or clean in the nude.  Sometimes I enjoy having him rub My feet while watching T.V.  or if he’s really good, I’ll sit in My queening chair and have him service Me orally.

Pitfalls for Submissive Men

Truly submissive men aren’t happy unless they are serving. These wonderful strong men know that their heart’s delight is making a Woman happy and feel unfulfilled unless they can share themselves meaningfully with another. The dark side of this unmet need is they  are at risk for being taken advantage of by unsavory sorts.  This may manifest itself in the forms of emotional manipulation/abuse to try and get some benefit.  If someone has to push you into giving something and that isn’t part of your kink schema; it is probably an indication that something isn’t right.  I always tell My submissive men if they are seriously considering get ting into a relationship with someone, always do a background check and listen closely to their narrative.  As men it is very easy to get caught up the thrill of being able to express your submission with a beautiful Woman.  Don’t allow that desire to blind you from some the red flags such as all take and no give, not taking personal responsibility for their life, and playing the victim role.  These are sure signs that you’re possibly in for a future no lube corn holing, run Forest, run!!!!!

Being a submissive male isn’t easy

Toxic masculinity is still posited by our society as the ideal or sexy behavior for men.  Men have their own culture and their is implicit pressure to behave a certain way while in penis herds.  Submissive men have to put on a false persona and this can be a burden for them.  It is like a heavy weight they have to carry around until they get to Mistress so she can ease that burden and they can be themselves. I always try to create a space during a call where I add to a person’s time and experience .Where they can choose to be totally vulnerable or simply role-play. That is the beauty of Fem dom phone sex.  No strings, no worries, no pants:, no problem ;).

The Sintellectual Sapiosexual,

Mistress  Jenna

Mistress Jenna discusses masochism and submissive males

Mistress Jenna discusses masochism and submissive males