I apologize for the delay, I had an ADD moment and thought I had this set up for auto-post!!!  Here is the final installment of this sensually humiliating post!

Despite all this I hung with her.  With her and around her.  Looking back I was somewhat like a pet. If she wanted something I’d get it. If she wanted to do something I’d do it. If she wanted me to disappear and get out from under her feet I’d disappear. I had no power at all with her. She let me hang around with her for a few months but never as a “real boyfriend” which was humiliating.  I was somewhat of a friend but a friend from below I guess you might say.  Everything was, always, on her terms. She made me bike all the way across town to see her when she was a Nanny for some family.  Sometimes when I got there she would let me in but other times she would say she had “changed her mind” or was suddenly “busy”.  She would never apologize. I did not expect it and it would have seemed almost odd. I was not in that place or at that level with her.

It was some months later when she told me she was interested in a guy.  She just plain old told me. She actually discussed it with me as if I was no one – maybe a girlfriend or something – not someone who dreamed of her every single night. Finally she told me she was going to see this guy. She was going to date him. She had to know it broke my heart because, well, she just had to. She actually (and this is somewhat hard for me to believe) told me that he was more endowed than I was. She told me he was “bigger” than I was. By that time she had “seen” so I guess she knew it to be true. I think of her all the time.  She is on a pedestal for me and always will be.  Out of reach but in my dreams. (the end)